Yesterday afternoon I logged into my old Blogger account to read my travel abroad blog. When I logged in I noticed that I had an entry under the heading “Deleted Blogs.” Apparently Blogger decided that even though I deleted my wedding planning blog, I may want to come back and read it again someday. And so, for some dumb reason unbeknownst to man, I did just that.
I was very weird. Guys, I think I may be getting over C. As I read the blog I noticed that I missed having a bunch of craft projects to work on, but I didn’t miss him. Is it horrible that it only took me 3 months to get over having my heart completely broken by the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with? Does that mean I didn’t really love him? Or is that a good sign, a sign that I’m really healing and starting to move on with my life?
The other reaction I had to reading my blog was just how weird it was. My last post was dated December 19. That post was entitled “Date Night” and talked about how C and I were going on a date that night and I was very excited, and how I was worried that we weren’t spending enough time focusing on our relationship with jobs and wedding planning and holidays. It was just so weird to read that post. I couldn’t help thinking how happy and in love that girl sounded, and how she had absolutely no idea how her whole life was going to blow up in approximately 5 days.
It is so funny how fast life can change. I remember after our date that night I received my acceptance email to Weddingbee, which I was extremely excited about. I distinctly remember driving to school the next day (it was the last day before Christmas break) just being out of my mind excited about Christmas and the wedding and Weddingbee. I remember exactly what intersection I was going through when I thought “I am just so, so happy with my life right now.” I had absolutely no idea that in a few short days that all was going to be taken away from me (well, Christmas still came, but you can imagine it wasn’t exactly the most joyous one I’ve ever celebrated).
My life is in a completely different place than I thought it would be. However, I don’t think I regret that fact. I can clearly see now that marrying C would have been a big mistake on my part (drugs aside, I was definitely settling with him. I deserve someone who treats me better than he did). While those abrupt changes really sucked to live through, I think it will work out for the better.
This is an example of when a really bad sudden change happened. There also can be amazing sudden changes. For example, a week ago I was wondering how in the world I was going to make it through another year at my job. As I’ve mentioned, I love the school I’m at but my job is just boring. I miss being in the classroom. Then that 6th grade position opened. Yesterday afternoon the principal told me that if I want the job, he won’t even open it to other applicants (!!!!!). Now I just have to decide if that move is the right one for me to make, but I’m probably going to take it. This change happened fast, but it will (hopefully) be a very positive one.
I guess the moral of today’s post is never to get complacent or desperate (why do I always feel like my posts need to contain some sort of a lesson? Must be the teacher in me) because you never know what life is going to throw at you. Life could be going great but you can’t get complacent, because you never know when there’s going to be a huge wrench thrown in and you have to be able to deal. At the same time, things could be really shitty but you can’t drown in despair because you never know when something might go your way. I guess it’s all about keeping a positive attitude and being strong in the face of whatever, helped along by a little (or a lot) faith and hope.