June 22

I made it.  The day I was supposed to be getting married has passed.  

I would be lying if I said it was totally easy to make it through, but I did it.  Overall I think I did pretty well.  I had a few breakdowns last week (like when I got emails confirming the rehearsal dinner or when I would hear a song that reminds me of C) but for the most part I was able to distract myself.  Yesterday wasn’t too bad either.  I really tried not to dwell on what could have been happening.  There were a couple of times when I looked at the clock and thought “It’s 9 a.m.  I would probably be getting my hair done now,” but I really tried not to do that.  

My cousin came to visit, and we spent the morning shopping and then went to lunch.  That provided a good distraction.  In the afternoon we went back to my apartment just to relax and nap.  If you are trying to distract yourself on your non-wedding day, I wouldn’t recommend doing this.  That’s when my mind started racing and I had my breakdown.  I sobbed for about an hour as I waited for my emotions to catch up with my logic.  Logically I know it is good that I wasn’t marrying C that day.  He’s a drug addict.  I don’t want that in my life.  However, it took my emotions some time to catch up.  After that breakdown we ordered Papa John’s (it was my non-wedding day, I got a free pass on calories) and then got fancied up and went out on the town.  A couple other friends met us out, drinks were had, poor decisions were made, but overall I actually had a lot of fun.

My friends and family have been amazing through this whole situation, and yesterday was no different.  The texts and calls started at 8:30 and didn’t stop all day.  It was kind of hard to have those reminders coming in all day, but it was also nice to know that I had so many people who were thinking of me.  I didn’t have to be strong on my own.

I’m just so glad the date has passed.  Now I feel like I can actually start putting this whole ordeal in the past.  Before, whenever I would tell someone what happened to me, I had to say that the wedding date hadn’t come yet.  I don’t have to say that anymore.  It’s over.  This whole ordeal is in my past.  My dad (who is currently in Puerto Rico with my mom and sister) texted me last night and said “It’s June 22 here.  You made it.”

I did make it.  Time to leave the past in the past and see what life has in store for me.  I’m going to make it great.

The Week From Hell

Well, it’s here.  The week that was supposed to be my wedding week.  I honestly, honestly thought this week wouldn’t be that hard.  It’s been almost 6 months since I called off the wedding.  I’ve got a new apartment, new job, and am dating again.  I’ve moved on.

I’m a day in and I couldn’t have been more wrong.  My sisters visited this weekend and that provided a good distraction, but as soon as they left I just fell apart.  I started to get it together but things keep happening that remind me of what was supposed to be going on this week.  Yesterday morning I woke up with an email from the hotel we were supposed to stay at on our wedding night that wanted to confirm the room.  The room had been cancelled, but a glitch in the system caused that email to go out.  Then today I got an email from the owner of the restaurant where the rehearsal dinner was supposed to be wanting to confirm that.  C’s mom had taken care of that and apparently hadn’t called them to cancel.

I thought I would have it pulled together, but I don’t.  I can’t seem to make it more than an hour without crying.  Then I get frustrated with myself because I don’t want to be crying over that piece of crap anymore.  Logically I know that I dodged a huge bullet by not marrying him.  I know he wasn’t good for me.  I know my life would have been hell if I would have gone through with it and married him after I found out he’s a drug addict.  So it frustrates me that I’m having such a hard time this week.  Why??

Anyone have any suggestions on how to survive this week?