I’m Really Bad at Keeping Promises

It seems like my last 4 posts have all started with “I know I’ve been horrible at keeping this updated but I’ll get better…”  I clearly fail at keeping this promise.  It was much easier last year when my job was much more low-key and I had a lot of free time during the day.  Now, between teaching and coaching I am busy basically every day from 7:30-5 or later.  Not a lot of extra time for blogging!

Not surprisingly, I’m back because I’m dealing with hurt again.  Things officially ended with A  yesterday.  Things were STILL moving at a snail’s pace after 4 months of hanging out, so yesterday I needed to get some answers.  It all boiled down to him saying “I think we need to work on getting to know each other and being friends.  I don’t see a relationship continuing at this point, but who knows in the future?”

I had been given similar statements before.  Almost 2 months ago I asked where we were, and he said he definitely sees potential and just wants to take it slow and do it right.  I saw that as a sign of hope and promise.  The fact that I am still getting the same stuff 2 months later tells me it’s time to be done.  At first I almost said ok to his suggestion, but I’m trying to be strong and do what I know in my head is best for me.

Guys, it SUCKS.  He ended the conversation by saying “I’m really sorry we are on such different wavelengths.  This really sucks.”  Pretty much everything I was worried about happened if I allowed myself to become vulnerable happened.  He just didn’t reciprocate my feelings.  I can’t fault him for that.  Sure, I’m annoyed that he led me on, but it’s not his fault he doesn’t share my feelings.  Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.  I spent the evening heading down the spiral of all kinds of self-doubt.  What if I was prettier/thinner/funnier/cooler, would things be different?  What is wrong with me that he didn’t feel everything that I did?

Even though this wasn’t an official break-up since we weren’t officially dating, it’s still hard.  We’ve spent the last 4 months hanging out.  We would text and Snapchat every single day.  There are a lot of things that remind me of him and it’s tough.  In my break-up with C I was just so hurt and angry that it was easy to wipe all signs of our life together away.  It’s not quite as easy with A.

Every part of my being wants to text A and talk about how hard this is.  It feels a little like New Girl episode when Nick and Jess break up.  No, I don’t live with A but he was the one I would talk to whenever I was having a tough day and now that’s gone.  So far I’ve been able to hold out and be strong (ok, I did send one Snapchat last night o_o) and I just hope that can continue.

I’m just trying to focus on me and surrounding myself with my friends.  It’s sucky that all my best friends live so far away, but I’m trying to make plans to visit them.  I’m also working on the few friendships and I do have in Fargo and taking a break from boys for a little while.  Even though this sucks, at least I know C didn’t ruin me forever and I can still have romantic feelings.for someone.  I’m just trying to look for any silver lining I can.  In the meantime, you can find me indulging in lots of chocolate and Christmas movies.

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Time Marches On

Wow I am really bad at keeping a blog during the summer. It’s kind of ironic, because I definitely have a lot more free time than I do during the school year. I think the problem is that my life is actually kind of boring during the summer months. I spent most of the month of June working and taking online classes, and during July I’ve been working and have actually gone home a few times to visit my family. Nothing super blogworthy.

I have also been maintaining a fairly steady dating life. I think last time I blogged about this I was talking about Mr. Chivalrous. That kind of fizzled before it even got going. I was a little bummed at first, but now it is NBD. I’ve gone out with a couple different guys and met someone who I am pretty excited about but I think I’m going to refrain from sharing too many details (call me superstitious but did I jinx things before?). I promise, I will keep you updated on how things play out with that situation (I do have a good story involving How I Met Your Mother and me drinking way too much, but like I said, I’m going to withhold details for the time being).

As far as things with C, I’m really starting to feel a distance from all of that. I think the wedding date being past was a major help. Before, I could talk about how much I was healing but I still had that speed bump to get through. Now the whole thing really is behind me. Before, when I met someone new I felt like I had to reveal that story almost immediately. I don’t feel that need for immediacy as much anymore. I also don’t feel the need to share as many of the gory details. All the new guy knows is that I was engaged, found out he was using meth, and dumped his sorry ass. Maybe if things progress I will tell him about the robbery and how awful the breakup was, but I don’t feel a need to now. It’s like those gory details used to be such a big part of who I was as a person that I couldn’t not share them. Now I’m starting to feel as if they were a huge part of someone I used to be, but I’m starting a new chapter so they are only a little part of what has made me the person I am today.

It’s funny, it’s been almost 6 months since I started this blog. I’m really glad I did it because I now have a chronicle of my survival of the worst breakup of my life. When I started the blog, I was having a tough time imagining the future. Every day was so painful to try and get through. I didn’t know if I would ever get to a place where I am now. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m completely healed and totally over the whole situation, but I’m sure as hell a lot better than I was before. And it feels pretty great to have gotten here.

The Week From Hell

Well, it’s here.  The week that was supposed to be my wedding week.  I honestly, honestly thought this week wouldn’t be that hard.  It’s been almost 6 months since I called off the wedding.  I’ve got a new apartment, new job, and am dating again.  I’ve moved on.

I’m a day in and I couldn’t have been more wrong.  My sisters visited this weekend and that provided a good distraction, but as soon as they left I just fell apart.  I started to get it together but things keep happening that remind me of what was supposed to be going on this week.  Yesterday morning I woke up with an email from the hotel we were supposed to stay at on our wedding night that wanted to confirm the room.  The room had been cancelled, but a glitch in the system caused that email to go out.  Then today I got an email from the owner of the restaurant where the rehearsal dinner was supposed to be wanting to confirm that.  C’s mom had taken care of that and apparently hadn’t called them to cancel.

I thought I would have it pulled together, but I don’t.  I can’t seem to make it more than an hour without crying.  Then I get frustrated with myself because I don’t want to be crying over that piece of crap anymore.  Logically I know that I dodged a huge bullet by not marrying him.  I know he wasn’t good for me.  I know my life would have been hell if I would have gone through with it and married him after I found out he’s a drug addict.  So it frustrates me that I’m having such a hard time this week.  Why??

Anyone have any suggestions on how to survive this week?

Back (for real this time)

OK guys, my blogging hiatus is officially over.  I’m settled into my new place (and my sisters are visiting this weekend so we’ll get to actually decorate the living room and kitchen!!) and no longer feel like the noob at my summer job.  It’s time for me to stop making excuses and get back to blogging.

If you were hoping this would be a DIY decorating post, sorry to disappoint.  Today’s subject is all about online dating.  At my last check in I had gone on my first date and thought it went well but was not 100% sure because we had spent 5 hours at a bar and I had several glasses of red wine clouding my judgement.  Well, I’ve since seen that guy again and felt no connection.  It was a little disappointing but it was a definite no-go.  Then I had to deal with the awkward situation of telling him I didn’t want to see him again.  I decided to take the easy way out and do it via text.  I figured it since we had only gone out twice it wasn’t a totally skeezy thing to do.

I was not having the best of luck.  I had been messaging a few guys, but they would always say something that was too forward or gross and it totally turned me off.  There was one guy that I was getting along with really well, and then he asked how long after we meet before he can start kissing me.  That was super awkward, because we had never even met face to face yet.  For a little bit I considered that I was being too harsh, but then I realize that I don’t owe anyone anything with this dating thing.  If it makes me uncomfortable, there is no reason for me to keep on with it.  I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, and instead of just accepting it he spent HOURS texting me to try and convince me that he’s a good guy and I need to give him a chance but he hasn’t been “this intrigued by a girl” in a long time.  The situation just got worse and worse.  That wasn’t fun.

Time out for a little online dating advice.  If things are making you uncomfortable, there’s no law that says you have to keep up with it.  I mean, things are probably going to be a little awkward.  It is online dating after all.  But there is a difference between feeling a little out of your comfort zone and feeling truly uncomfortable in a situation.  If you are like me, you can struggle with telling people “no”.  It can be an awkward thing to do, but you need to do what’s right for you.  If you don’t, you might find yourself engaged to a guy with a meth addiction (read my early posts if you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Anyway, I had gone on a couple more dates but nothing really clicked.  That is, nothing clicked until last night.  Then I went out with a new guy (let’s call him Mr. Chivalrous).  This was totally different than the other dates I had been on.  He is smart, funny, has a good job, and was really well-dressed (call me shallow, but I think how a guy dresses for a date says a lot).  He picked me up and we went out for beers at this German bier hall.  We were only supposed to have one since he was driving, but we weren’t ready to go so he asked me if I would be down for having another and then going for a walk after.  We did, and then had about 4 glasses of water each.  He said he still wasn’t comfortable to drive, so he offered to walk me home.  It was about a mile and a half walk, but we set out.  As we were walking, he made me switch spots with him so he could walk next to the street (hence how he got his nickname).  We got to my apartment and he asked if I wanted to hang out and watch TV for awhile.  We watched an episode of Orange is the New Black and then he walked back to his car to head home.

I didn’t feel like this after any of my other dates.  I’ve spent the morning over-analyzing EVERYTHING about last night.  He wanted to stay for another drink, and then he wanted to hang out in my apartment for awhile, so that means he was interested too, right?  On the other hand, when he left he shook my hand.  Yes, I got a handshake.  Not even a hug.  A handshake.  How the eff am I supposed to interpret that??  Was that just him being respectful and old-fashioned?  Or does that mean that he didn’t feel any connection?  

As awful as the over-analyzing is, it feels good to be doing this again.  I haven’t cared enough to try to interpret a man’s actions in a long, long time.  I think I might have a little crush.  That means I can still feel.  C and all the awful things he did didn’t break me completely.  It also makes me glad that I didn’t pursue conversations with other guys who were ok, but I didn’t feel great about.  I had started to think that maybe I’m not someone who feels connections right away, that maybe I need to give guys more chances.  Mr. Chivalrous showed me that I can feel giddy after a first date.  I’m not, like, ready to jump into a relationship or anything dumb like that.  I just have a crush:)

Now, the waiting game starts.  He seems old-fashioned, so I think it’s totally legit that I wait for him to make a move for Date #2…

Bad Blogger!

I’m such a bad blogger–2 weeks since my last post!  There are many reasons for my absence (several graduations, staying in Dickinson for a week, moving into a new place) but still, they are all excuses.  I’ve gone on a couple more OkCupid dates and I’ve been doing a lot of DIY in the new apartment.  I also started my first week of my summer job this past week.  So yeah, life has been crazy over here!

Unfortunately, I’m going to continue my streak of being an awful blogger.  There are a lot of things to update on (specifically, dates and DIY projects) and I need to figure out how I want to approach everything.  In the meantime, I will leave you with some pictures of what I’ve been doing in my apartment.  My bedroom is the only room that is complete, because my sister (who is living with me) is in Dickinson for the summer and I promised I wouldn’t decorate the common areas without her.  Any decoration you see in the pictures below are things I had in my old apartment and will potentially be replaced when Sis comes to town.  Hope you enjoy–I’ll be back to explain things in more detail later!

 

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I like this view of the living room–makes it look less sparse

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This big blank wall stresses me out…hopefully Sis and I can figure out what to do with it

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Bedroom!  I count 5 DIY projects in this picture, so get ready!

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Other wall (did I do too much?)

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The room looks claustrophobic in this picture, but I promise my bed is just large!

First One Down

IT’S SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As of 3 pm yesterday afternoon I officially survived my first year as a teacher. It was touch and go at some points, but I made it through and am excited to be back next year. I was actually a little sad to see the year end because I might actually miss seeing the students every day (even the ones who are little turds most of the time). However, sleeping in this morning was pretty glorious.

Ok, time to get down to the juicy stuff. I promised that I would keep you updated on how my foray into the world of online dating goes. Well, last night I went on my first official date that was a direct result of the app I downloaded. I met this guy (we will call him Joe) at a brand new Irish pub in Fargo. I was excited because I had never been, but the rest was pretty terrifying. What if it was super awkward? What if I wanted to leave after 10 minutes? What if I really liked him but HE wanted to leave after 10 minutes? The scenarios were running rampant through my head as I got ready.

The getting ready was an ordeal in itself. I want to look good but not fake or high maintenance. And what the hell to wear? I didn’t want to be dressier than him (or than what was appropriate for the place) but I also wanted to wear an outfit that I liked and felt confident in. By the time 7:30 rolled around I was a wreck.

Guys, it was FINE. He got there before I did (I planned that one…I wanted to be the waitee not the waiter) and so when I walked in I just marched up to him and gave him a hug (remember, we’ve been texting for a little over a week at this point so we weren’t TOTAL strangers). I pretended like it wasn’t awkward, and in about 30 seconds flat it wasn’t. Conversation started right away and didn’t stop for 5 hours. No, that is not a typo. We sat at our table at the same bar for FIVE HOURS. The first time I actually checked my phone I was shocked to see we had been sitting there for 3 hours already. I guess that’s a good sign, right? Neither of us were bored or uncomfortable enough to want to leave or even check the time.

Here’s my problem: obviously after sitting at a bar for 5 hours we had a few drinks. By the end of the night I had a definite buzz. Because of this, I’m nervous to trust any assessments of the evening. Was there a connection, or was I just being the usual chatty person I am after drinking? Is it worth a second date (without alcohol involved) to find out? As Jill pointed out, 5 hours of talking with only a few seconds of awkwardness probably warrants seeing him again.

So the first date is over. I imagine if I see Joe again or decide to meet up with any other OkCupid guys it will be a lot easier. Oh, and for those of you who might be wondering, there was no kissing or anything at the end of the night. I probably would’ve allowed it (definite buzz, remember?) but I wasn’t drunk enough to make the first move and he only went in for the hug.

This summer might be interesting…

I’m Slightly Awkward and Embarrassed…

Last week I was Gchatting with my friend Jill about the upcoming summer.  As ready as I am for the school year to be over, I’m kind of nervous about summer.  I’m moving out of my aunt’s house into my new apartment, which I am ecstatic about but I will also be living alone for 2.5 months until my sister comes back from summer break.  As I think I’ve mentioned before, my previous relationship consumed a lot of my life in Fargo and I’ve never made a lot of friends in town.  Of the few friends I have made, one in spending 2 months in South America and the others all have jobs that require them to work a lot of nights and weekends.  I’m starting to get nervous about being really lonely all summer.

About 2 seconds after I sent a long chat message explaining all of this, Jill responded with one word: “OkCupid.”  Apparently it’s this free dating website/app that a bunch of her friends use in Chicago and have a really fun time with.  She said that one of her friends met a lot of people through the app and didn’t pay for a dinner out for months.  Even though Fargo is a lot smaller than Chicago, she thought it was still big enough that I should give it a try.

Time for some honesty.  I still kind of think there is a stigma around online dating.  I’m not sure if this is a societal feeling or a personal feeling, but part of me felt that “resorting” to online dating as a 25-year-old was kind of embarrassing or sad.  Jill told me to stop being stupid, that it’s a good way to meet people in my town (especially when I don’t have a ton of time outside of school and coaching).  I started to relent a little.  I mean, how else do people meet these days?  Pretty much everyone of my friends I met at either school or work.  I no longer have the platform of college to force me to make connections with people.  The staff at my school is fairly small and I know everyone who works here.  The only other way I could come up with to meet new people is out at a bar, but that’s how I met my ex so that option left a bad taste in my mouth.  I swallowed my pride and made an account.

You guys, it’s been so fun so far.  Sure, there are a fair share of creepers out there who send me gross messages about wanting to hook up, but a few guys have messaged me that I’ve responded to and actually enjoy talking to.  Most are like me–not thrilled to be on the site but want to meet new people and don’t have a lot of time to do so.  I’ve been a member since last Tuesday, and over the weekend I finally agreed to meet one of the guys in person.  I was hesitant, but I realized that it is a dating site and a person may come across totally differently in person than they do via message.  So on Thursday I will be meeting who Jill and I (she’s my personal assistant with this journey) have dubbed Microsoft Guy at a new bar in town.  He was one of the first guys to message me, and we have since moved to texting and have been talking for a few days.  He seems really easy to talk to, so I feel comfortable meeting him in person to see if that holds true face-to-face.  

I’m still a little awkward about this whole thing.  I told my brother’s girlfriend that I have a blind date this week, and she asked who knows this guy and set it up.  I kind of dodged the question, but a little later she asked again so I admitted I met him on this app.  She didn’t judge (or didn’t seem to anyway), but I still felt awkward about it.  I guess after doing it for awhile I may get more comfortable/less embarrassed about it, but we’ll see.  At any rate, at least it should make for an interesting summer!  And since when I started this blog I said it would be part-Carrie Bradshaw, I promise I will update and let you know how things are progressing.  

In the meantime, anyone else do the whole online dating thing?  Are you having any success?  Do you feel awkward/embarrassed about it?

Alive on the Other Side

Well guys, it’s Monday.  The half marathon is over, and I’m still alive and walking without any assistance from wheelchairs, canes, or walkers.  I have mixed feelings about how it went.  I was not able to make it the entire way without walking a bit.  I started out running with one of the pacers and she claimed she was 2 seconds off the pace, but according to my Nike app we were averaging 25 seconds faster per mile than we were supposed to be going.  By Mile 5 I started to slow.  The back pain started around Mile 7.5 (I used Icy Hot on my shins and they felt fine, but I didn’t think to use any on my lower back).  I walked around Mile 9.5, but right after Mile 10 I saw my sister, brother, and my brother’s girlfriend there cheering me on so that pushed me to finish.

ImageWe didn’t stop during the race, so we needed pictures with my sister and the signs she made for both my aunt and I afterward

Although I’m bummed that I walked, I did beat the time I ran last year by 7 minutes.  I’m pretty proud of that.  That’s like 30 seconds faster per mile.  That’s why I have mixed feelings.  I’m sad that I walked, but I’m happy that I ran a faster time.

*Edit:  I just looked up my official time from last year’s half.  I was 7 minutes 48 seconds faster.  That’s an average pace of 36 seconds faster per mile.  Nothing to sneeze at…

Other than the walking, the day was awesome.  The crowds were huge, just as expected.  Check out this video taken of the start of the race (the marathon, half marathon, and 10k all started together):

Finishing on Broadway in downtown Fargo was also pretty cool.  There were tons of people lining the streets for the last half mile.  The fans were actually great throughout the entire course.  If I’m ever in town and not running, I will for sure make humorous signs and go cheer the runners on.  The comedic relief was a major help.  Some of my favorite signs were as follows:

-At about Mile 3 someone was holding a sign that said “You still have a SHIT TON of miles left”
– “Staying up all night to make this sign was hard, too”  (and it was just a white posterboard with those words written in black marker)
– “Jack Bauer runs until the treadmill breaks”  (any 24 fans out there?)
– “Run fast, random stranger!”
– “Pain now, beer later”
– “Run faster, I just farted”

A lot of the signs were pretty dumb, but even a second’s relief from thinking about the pain or how much farther we had to go was greatly appreciated.

I started the race running with my friend Lindsey.  I pulled ahead of her after about 2 miles (following that stupid pacer) but she caught back up with me around Mile 9 and we finished together.  As we were running those last few miles we discussed how next year we were either going to do the 10k or the Marathon Relay so we didn’t have to run so far.  I can’t say that I won’t for sure do the half again.  I still want to complete one without walking, and Fargo is probably the best place to do that because it’s so flat.  My training was interrupted this year with the whole broken foot thing and then I was gone for a week in Pittsburgh.  But life will happen every year.  I’m sure if I register next year my life will be super busy and things will get in the way of training too.  I want to participate in the Fargo Marathon weekend in some form, because it is a really fun and exciting weekend.  We’ll just see how many miles I will put in next year 🙂

The Final Countdown

If you need to get pumped up on this Friday, click this link and proceed to rock out:

This is it.  It’s the final countdown.  In less than 24 hours I will be (hopefully) done with the half marathon.  I’m a whole bundle of nerves right now.  I had a running nightmare last night–I dreamed that I only made it 4 miles and then had to quit the race because I was in too much pain.  Not a great dream to have 2 nights before the race.  In addition, it seems like I’ve been talking about the marathon all morning.  We had the annual Staff vs. Student basketball game this morning, and about a hundred different students and teachers asked why I’m not playing (I am not good at basketball, but everyone knows I coach it and I also am usually game to participate in these kinds of activities).  I repeated to everyone that I’m running tomorrow and, knowing my luck, I would twist an ankle and 3 months of training plus $70 would be wasted.

In spite of being incredibly nervous, I’m also getting excited.  I made a randomly awesome playlist to run to (I put it on shuffle and the first three songs that came up were “Get Silly” by V.I.C., “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell, and “Love is an Open Door” from Frozen) and looking at those songs is just getting me pumped.  In addition, the whole weekend is an exciting event.  According to the last numbers I saw, there’s going to be something like 21,000 runners and volunteers participating.  I have no idea if there are estimates on how many people come to watch, but it’s a lot.  There are over 50 live bands or DJs scattered along the course.  Despite the pain of running 13.1 miles, it’s a really fun and exciting event.

I’ve been bouncing back and forth between excitement and nerves all morning.  I texted my aunt this morning about my dream making me nervous, and she replied that she’s pretty nervous too but tomorrow is going to be “all about mind over matter.”  I’m trying to believe that and tell myself that I’m going to do it.  It’s probably going to hurt, but I’m going to do it.  I want the feeling of crossing that finish line and being proud of myself.  Pushing through pain for 2 hours and 20 minutes is totally worth that.   And hey, I get to have a day of carbing up–nothing like eating carbs all day and not feeling badly about myself!

If you are awake tomorrow morning between 8 and 10:30 AM CDT, please send some positive thoughts my way.  I’ll probably need as much help as I can get :S

 Half marathon countdown:  0 days, 19 hours, 16 minutes

T-3 Days

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  I gave you a heads-up that my brain is swirling with thoughts of the impending doom that is the half marathon I’m going to run on Saturday.  Since it’s pretty much all I can think about, it’s pretty much all I’m going to blog about for the next 4 days 🙂

I’m not sure why I’m so nervous for this half marathon.  I’ve already done 2, and I did the Fargo Half last year.  I know 2 half marathons isn’t an extreme amount, but I have a pretty good idea of what to expect.  Usually my nerves kick in when I’m about to do something new or unfamiliar.  Maybe I’m nervous about the fact that I don’t 100% know how my body is going to respond on race day.  I’ve had some training runs that feel amazing, and others where my legs start to get sore about a mile into the run (these days usually correspond to the days I drink less than 60 oz of water beforehand…you’d think I would learn).

Last night was my last long-ish training run before Saturday.  I went 7.37 miles, and now tonight and tomorrow I’ll just do 3-4.  Yesterday was one of the good runs.  It was 60 degrees out, so for the first time all year I was able to run in short sleeves.  I had a little bit of foot numbness in my left foot from Mile 2-3 (I have pronation issues if I don’t focus on keeping my foot stable) but otherwise I felt really strong.  As I was finishing, I thought to myself that I probably had enough left to do 6 more miles, so I should be ready to go on Saturday.  Like I said yesterday, this race is going to be mostly about mental strength so I’m doing what I can to build that up.

I realized something else while I was running yesterday.  My aunt is also running the half, and yesterday she told me her goal is to run sub-10 min/miles.  That would put her total time at under 2 hours, 10 minutes–at least 5 minutes faster than my goal.  I started to feel badly about myself and began to wonder if I could push myself to run that pace.  I was considering this while I was running last night, and I realized that I place way too much stock in comparing myself to others.  Two days ago I was content with my time goal for the half; now, one comment was making me reconsider that.  Why should my aunt’s goal have any impact on my own?

After this became clear, I also realized that running is not the only arena of my life where comparisons run rampant.  At my cousin’s wedding this past weekend I found myself thinking, “Ok, the bride is 30.  They met 3 years ago, which means I would have just under 2 years to meet my future spouse.  That’s not so bad.  They seem like a decently young couple.”  I’ve done this same calculation with many other couples as well.  I think it’s the fear of being the old maid friend that prompts me to do this.  I also want to have a family and be a somewhat young mom.  These two things lead me to constantly compare my place in life with those around me.  Sometimes these comparisons give me hope (like at my cousin’s wedding–2 years is PLENTY of time to meet someone) and other times they stress me out (at my age she was married and had two kids, I’m going to be alone forever!).  

I decided last night that I’m done comparing myself.  I’m uniquely me.  My life will take a different path than everyone around me, and that’s ok.  It’s ok if it takes me 2 hours and 20 minutes to run a half marathon.  That’s not the fastest pace ever, but I’m still out there doing it.  It’s also ok if I’m 25 and still single.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to be alone forever.  Constantly comparing myself to others is only going to leave me feeling inadequate and stressed out, and probably saddle me with some feelings of jealousy as well.  I’m making a commitment to replacing the comparisons with self-love.  I think if I’m actually able to do this I will have much better relationships with others and with myself.

Half marathon countdown–3 days, 21 hours, 37 minutes