Back (for real this time)

OK guys, my blogging hiatus is officially over.  I’m settled into my new place (and my sisters are visiting this weekend so we’ll get to actually decorate the living room and kitchen!!) and no longer feel like the noob at my summer job.  It’s time for me to stop making excuses and get back to blogging.

If you were hoping this would be a DIY decorating post, sorry to disappoint.  Today’s subject is all about online dating.  At my last check in I had gone on my first date and thought it went well but was not 100% sure because we had spent 5 hours at a bar and I had several glasses of red wine clouding my judgement.  Well, I’ve since seen that guy again and felt no connection.  It was a little disappointing but it was a definite no-go.  Then I had to deal with the awkward situation of telling him I didn’t want to see him again.  I decided to take the easy way out and do it via text.  I figured it since we had only gone out twice it wasn’t a totally skeezy thing to do.

I was not having the best of luck.  I had been messaging a few guys, but they would always say something that was too forward or gross and it totally turned me off.  There was one guy that I was getting along with really well, and then he asked how long after we meet before he can start kissing me.  That was super awkward, because we had never even met face to face yet.  For a little bit I considered that I was being too harsh, but then I realize that I don’t owe anyone anything with this dating thing.  If it makes me uncomfortable, there is no reason for me to keep on with it.  I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, and instead of just accepting it he spent HOURS texting me to try and convince me that he’s a good guy and I need to give him a chance but he hasn’t been “this intrigued by a girl” in a long time.  The situation just got worse and worse.  That wasn’t fun.

Time out for a little online dating advice.  If things are making you uncomfortable, there’s no law that says you have to keep up with it.  I mean, things are probably going to be a little awkward.  It is online dating after all.  But there is a difference between feeling a little out of your comfort zone and feeling truly uncomfortable in a situation.  If you are like me, you can struggle with telling people “no”.  It can be an awkward thing to do, but you need to do what’s right for you.  If you don’t, you might find yourself engaged to a guy with a meth addiction (read my early posts if you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Anyway, I had gone on a couple more dates but nothing really clicked.  That is, nothing clicked until last night.  Then I went out with a new guy (let’s call him Mr. Chivalrous).  This was totally different than the other dates I had been on.  He is smart, funny, has a good job, and was really well-dressed (call me shallow, but I think how a guy dresses for a date says a lot).  He picked me up and we went out for beers at this German bier hall.  We were only supposed to have one since he was driving, but we weren’t ready to go so he asked me if I would be down for having another and then going for a walk after.  We did, and then had about 4 glasses of water each.  He said he still wasn’t comfortable to drive, so he offered to walk me home.  It was about a mile and a half walk, but we set out.  As we were walking, he made me switch spots with him so he could walk next to the street (hence how he got his nickname).  We got to my apartment and he asked if I wanted to hang out and watch TV for awhile.  We watched an episode of Orange is the New Black and then he walked back to his car to head home.

I didn’t feel like this after any of my other dates.  I’ve spent the morning over-analyzing EVERYTHING about last night.  He wanted to stay for another drink, and then he wanted to hang out in my apartment for awhile, so that means he was interested too, right?  On the other hand, when he left he shook my hand.  Yes, I got a handshake.  Not even a hug.  A handshake.  How the eff am I supposed to interpret that??  Was that just him being respectful and old-fashioned?  Or does that mean that he didn’t feel any connection?  

As awful as the over-analyzing is, it feels good to be doing this again.  I haven’t cared enough to try to interpret a man’s actions in a long, long time.  I think I might have a little crush.  That means I can still feel.  C and all the awful things he did didn’t break me completely.  It also makes me glad that I didn’t pursue conversations with other guys who were ok, but I didn’t feel great about.  I had started to think that maybe I’m not someone who feels connections right away, that maybe I need to give guys more chances.  Mr. Chivalrous showed me that I can feel giddy after a first date.  I’m not, like, ready to jump into a relationship or anything dumb like that.  I just have a crush:)

Now, the waiting game starts.  He seems old-fashioned, so I think it’s totally legit that I wait for him to make a move for Date #2…

Bad Blogger!

I’m such a bad blogger–2 weeks since my last post!  There are many reasons for my absence (several graduations, staying in Dickinson for a week, moving into a new place) but still, they are all excuses.  I’ve gone on a couple more OkCupid dates and I’ve been doing a lot of DIY in the new apartment.  I also started my first week of my summer job this past week.  So yeah, life has been crazy over here!

Unfortunately, I’m going to continue my streak of being an awful blogger.  There are a lot of things to update on (specifically, dates and DIY projects) and I need to figure out how I want to approach everything.  In the meantime, I will leave you with some pictures of what I’ve been doing in my apartment.  My bedroom is the only room that is complete, because my sister (who is living with me) is in Dickinson for the summer and I promised I wouldn’t decorate the common areas without her.  Any decoration you see in the pictures below are things I had in my old apartment and will potentially be replaced when Sis comes to town.  Hope you enjoy–I’ll be back to explain things in more detail later!

 

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I like this view of the living room–makes it look less sparse

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This big blank wall stresses me out…hopefully Sis and I can figure out what to do with it

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Bedroom!  I count 5 DIY projects in this picture, so get ready!

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Other wall (did I do too much?)

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The room looks claustrophobic in this picture, but I promise my bed is just large!

First One Down

IT’S SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As of 3 pm yesterday afternoon I officially survived my first year as a teacher. It was touch and go at some points, but I made it through and am excited to be back next year. I was actually a little sad to see the year end because I might actually miss seeing the students every day (even the ones who are little turds most of the time). However, sleeping in this morning was pretty glorious.

Ok, time to get down to the juicy stuff. I promised that I would keep you updated on how my foray into the world of online dating goes. Well, last night I went on my first official date that was a direct result of the app I downloaded. I met this guy (we will call him Joe) at a brand new Irish pub in Fargo. I was excited because I had never been, but the rest was pretty terrifying. What if it was super awkward? What if I wanted to leave after 10 minutes? What if I really liked him but HE wanted to leave after 10 minutes? The scenarios were running rampant through my head as I got ready.

The getting ready was an ordeal in itself. I want to look good but not fake or high maintenance. And what the hell to wear? I didn’t want to be dressier than him (or than what was appropriate for the place) but I also wanted to wear an outfit that I liked and felt confident in. By the time 7:30 rolled around I was a wreck.

Guys, it was FINE. He got there before I did (I planned that one…I wanted to be the waitee not the waiter) and so when I walked in I just marched up to him and gave him a hug (remember, we’ve been texting for a little over a week at this point so we weren’t TOTAL strangers). I pretended like it wasn’t awkward, and in about 30 seconds flat it wasn’t. Conversation started right away and didn’t stop for 5 hours. No, that is not a typo. We sat at our table at the same bar for FIVE HOURS. The first time I actually checked my phone I was shocked to see we had been sitting there for 3 hours already. I guess that’s a good sign, right? Neither of us were bored or uncomfortable enough to want to leave or even check the time.

Here’s my problem: obviously after sitting at a bar for 5 hours we had a few drinks. By the end of the night I had a definite buzz. Because of this, I’m nervous to trust any assessments of the evening. Was there a connection, or was I just being the usual chatty person I am after drinking? Is it worth a second date (without alcohol involved) to find out? As Jill pointed out, 5 hours of talking with only a few seconds of awkwardness probably warrants seeing him again.

So the first date is over. I imagine if I see Joe again or decide to meet up with any other OkCupid guys it will be a lot easier. Oh, and for those of you who might be wondering, there was no kissing or anything at the end of the night. I probably would’ve allowed it (definite buzz, remember?) but I wasn’t drunk enough to make the first move and he only went in for the hug.

This summer might be interesting…

I’m Slightly Awkward and Embarrassed…

Last week I was Gchatting with my friend Jill about the upcoming summer.  As ready as I am for the school year to be over, I’m kind of nervous about summer.  I’m moving out of my aunt’s house into my new apartment, which I am ecstatic about but I will also be living alone for 2.5 months until my sister comes back from summer break.  As I think I’ve mentioned before, my previous relationship consumed a lot of my life in Fargo and I’ve never made a lot of friends in town.  Of the few friends I have made, one in spending 2 months in South America and the others all have jobs that require them to work a lot of nights and weekends.  I’m starting to get nervous about being really lonely all summer.

About 2 seconds after I sent a long chat message explaining all of this, Jill responded with one word: “OkCupid.”  Apparently it’s this free dating website/app that a bunch of her friends use in Chicago and have a really fun time with.  She said that one of her friends met a lot of people through the app and didn’t pay for a dinner out for months.  Even though Fargo is a lot smaller than Chicago, she thought it was still big enough that I should give it a try.

Time for some honesty.  I still kind of think there is a stigma around online dating.  I’m not sure if this is a societal feeling or a personal feeling, but part of me felt that “resorting” to online dating as a 25-year-old was kind of embarrassing or sad.  Jill told me to stop being stupid, that it’s a good way to meet people in my town (especially when I don’t have a ton of time outside of school and coaching).  I started to relent a little.  I mean, how else do people meet these days?  Pretty much everyone of my friends I met at either school or work.  I no longer have the platform of college to force me to make connections with people.  The staff at my school is fairly small and I know everyone who works here.  The only other way I could come up with to meet new people is out at a bar, but that’s how I met my ex so that option left a bad taste in my mouth.  I swallowed my pride and made an account.

You guys, it’s been so fun so far.  Sure, there are a fair share of creepers out there who send me gross messages about wanting to hook up, but a few guys have messaged me that I’ve responded to and actually enjoy talking to.  Most are like me–not thrilled to be on the site but want to meet new people and don’t have a lot of time to do so.  I’ve been a member since last Tuesday, and over the weekend I finally agreed to meet one of the guys in person.  I was hesitant, but I realized that it is a dating site and a person may come across totally differently in person than they do via message.  So on Thursday I will be meeting who Jill and I (she’s my personal assistant with this journey) have dubbed Microsoft Guy at a new bar in town.  He was one of the first guys to message me, and we have since moved to texting and have been talking for a few days.  He seems really easy to talk to, so I feel comfortable meeting him in person to see if that holds true face-to-face.  

I’m still a little awkward about this whole thing.  I told my brother’s girlfriend that I have a blind date this week, and she asked who knows this guy and set it up.  I kind of dodged the question, but a little later she asked again so I admitted I met him on this app.  She didn’t judge (or didn’t seem to anyway), but I still felt awkward about it.  I guess after doing it for awhile I may get more comfortable/less embarrassed about it, but we’ll see.  At any rate, at least it should make for an interesting summer!  And since when I started this blog I said it would be part-Carrie Bradshaw, I promise I will update and let you know how things are progressing.  

In the meantime, anyone else do the whole online dating thing?  Are you having any success?  Do you feel awkward/embarrassed about it?