Thoughts on the Past Year

Merry Christmas everyone!  I know, I’m the worst.  Not even going to waste time explaining or apologizing :).

2014 is drawing to a close.  I’m a very nostalgic person, so I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the past year.  On Christmas Eve, one of my aunts came up to me and one of the first things she said was “It’s the anniversary of everything happening with C.  You look great!  I definitely think you came out way ahead of everything that happened!”  That was a nice compliment, but it got me thinking.  How on earth has it only been a year?  It seems like it’s been at least 4 or 5.  Not only because everything seems like it happened so long ago, but also because I feel like a completely different person than I was last Christmas.  When I think about the person I was last Christmas, I’m almost embarrassed.  I was a girl who was so desperate to not be alone that I was willing to overlook some major red flags in a relationship.  I was so concerned with staying on track with where my friends were in life that I didn’t do what was best for myself and my situation.

Several people have commented that I must be so ready for 2014 to be over.  Yes, there were definitely some crappy things that happened this year.  Without a doubt this has been the most difficult year of my life.  But I don’t think I would change anything.  It sucked, but I’ve learned so much and really grown as a person.  My life is so much more together and stable than it was a year ago.  I’m more financially stable than I was, and my stress level is way down.  I have a job that I absolutely love.  I truly feel like I am on the right path.

Then there’s the whole relationship thing.  The break-up with A lasted like 30 hours.  The next night he texted me saying he thinks he screwed up because it had only been a day and he missed me.  We decided to put all the drama behind us and start fresh.  I’ve stopped trying to put pressure on the situation and force things, and it’s been wonderful.  We’ve just been getting to know each other and having fun.

I’m trying to be chill, but sometimes I do get a little stressed about it.  What if we keep hanging out and I like him more and more but then get friendzoned again?  How do I know if this is worth it, or if I’m just wasting my time?  I’m someone who likes knowing where things are going, which is why before I was constantly asking him what he’s thinking and what we are doing, etc.  My gut is telling me to keep him in my life, but it’s scary.

One of my constant prayers is for guidance with my relationships.  I really feel like I’m on track career-wise, but relationship-wise I’m a little foggier.  My New Year’s resolution is to live more in the moment and try to stop planning and worrying.  I really think if I can do that, 2015 should be an interesting year.

Any advice on how to stay patient in my relationship situation?